Archive for June, 2013


If you were my son, I would have loved you beyond the stars

If you were my son, I would have done everything in my power to do my best to take care of you

If you were my son, I’d have made sure you knew what bright light you were in my life.

If you were my son, you’d know that you were perfect just as you are.

If you were my son, no matter how tough things got, I’d have never given up on you.

If you were my son, we’d have learned to communicate with each other, if not with words, we’d have found other ways.

If you were my son, Once able to communicate, I would have done my best to understand you.

If you were my son, I’d have made sure every need was fulfilled the best I could.

If you were my son, you’d never feel like a burden.

If you were my son, No one would ever be able to tell me that you were somehow less than or needed curing.

If you were my son, everyday would have been filled with smiles and laughter.

If you were my son, you would have reached your full potential, whatever that would be.

If you were my son, I’d have wanted you to become the best man I could help you to be.

If you were my son, I’d have watched you grow into a great man.

If you were my son, I’d have been proud as can be.



Click picture to link to the Facebook page for Alex’s vigil


This last weekend was the most joyful weekend I’ve had in my life. Family and friends came together to watch me and my best friend get married. My love drunk joy was quickly squashed by the horrifically sad and sickening news that a fourteen year old autistic boy was stabbed to death by his own mother.  

Right now, I can’t keep my food down — this makes me so sick. And what’s more horrifying, is how Alex was treated before his mother so viciously murdered him. To imagine what it must have been like to stare into the eyes of the person who is supposed to love and protect him only to die at the hands of her? I can’t understand why or how anyone could do this. It’s just beyond my comprehension.

Then I find out she was part of thisAge of Autism organization. She was a ‘cure-bee’, bought into their ideas of what they think autism is, with their messages of misery and suffering — instead of the gift that Autism can be; how people like me, my son, and my friends need to be ‘cured’ of it.

Alex did not suffer from autism. He suffered from the ignorance of others around him. He suffered from people who wanted to ‘control’ him. He suffered from people who refused to even attempt to understand and accept him. He was abused and tortured and neglected. Then in the end, the person who was supposed to protect him, took his life and in a very horrific way.

I can’t even tell you how infuriated I am. There’s NO excuse. NONE. Do not feel sorry for his mom! She is slime and deserves to be locked up for LIFE!!

I might add more to this post later, but in light of the fact that while I was starting a new life with my husband, a 14 yr. old boy was being viciously murdered by his mother. I have no words to describe my feelings at this moment. I can really only say that this culture of misery concerning autism must end!

I haven’t written in sometime. Basically, because I’ve been so busy and so much is going on in my life at the moment that I just haven’t taken the time. Last month, some great things happened. My state became the 12th state to legalize gay marriage. Love and common sense finally won. Also, my own fiance decided around our two year anniversary that instead of buying himself a new drum kit, that we’d finally make it legal! Yes, I’m getting married! I couldn’t be more excited or more nervous. What is it about a wedding and marriage that would make one get so nervous? I know he’s the right one for me, so that’s not the issue. Maybe it’s because it is such a big step in commitment. I think that’s more what it is. 

For me though, Love is nothing i’ve ever taken lightly. And I’ve been hoping for over 40 yrs to find the person who would understand me and accept me just as I am. I can’t even explain how great it feels to have that person in my life. He truly is amazing. He knows just what to do, without me having to say anything. Yes, I do think it’s possible for men to do that. If they just take the time and truly care for their partner. Me and him, we are a team. I have no doubt about it. And he’s been a great stepfather to my oldest son, and of course, an amazing father to our baby boy who just turned a year old in May. Watching him with our boys gives me a warm feeling inside. I just love him so much. After the wedding, I’ll be posting my vows I wrote (maybe his too if he’ll write them down for me).

Also, since realizing my own place on the spectrum, I’ve gotten to know some awesome people in the autism rights community. I can’t tell you enough how much it’s meant to get to know some of these people and how wonderful they are whether autistic, or NT (neurotypical, which is basically a non-autistic person). I also feel like my whole world has opened up and finally is starting to make sense. I’m still looking into an official diagnosis. I’m sure that will happen at some point. But, until that happens, I’m fine with who I am even without that. Having the love of someone who accepts all my weird quirks and insane anxieties and crazy thoughts, etc; it really does make a difference. This is also why I fight for acceptance in society too. Acceptance of our differences is so important. It’s what makes the world less boring too. I mean really, if everyone was the same, how freakin’ boring would that be?! Anyway, I’m really excited to start this new chapter in my life as a married woman. No need to wish me luck, I don’t need it!


Me and My fiance, Billy, at Goth Prom.